Red Darkness
by AbbyF809
Summary: An attempt to explain Liz' behaviour. Post Finale S3 Disclaimer: Blacklist and the characters are NOT mine
1. Prologue

Hey guys. I know I have been gone for quiet a long time. My muse wasn't at fault this time though, I just had the urge to collect my ideas first before starting to write something. But this story will not be a long one neither a short one and it isn't something I planned to write actually, but after seeing the best of moment of the finale where Liz and Tom have run off together I just needed to shape this…unsatisfactory storyline into something more fitting into my Blacklist-universe. Please don't mind any timeline or storyline mistakes. I haven't seen the finale yet and I will have to wait three or for weeks until I can actually do so.

Disclaimer: Blakclist is not mine and I am not getting any money for this story...Just writing for fun:)

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Prologue

In spite of the beautiful weather, the sun shining with all her might onto the white balcony and the pristine white curtains, the woman sitting on the rocking chair with her baby was blankly starring at the blindingly white wall on the far side of the room. She had no idea freedom would feel so dark to her. She had known it could be lonely, but she hadn't expected it to be so…cold and disturbingly dark in midst of blinding light. Even the only ray of sunshine that should be able to penetrate the darkness, was failing. The baby-girl in her arms gurgled, happy to be once again within her mothers arms, but the warmth of it was lost on Elizabeth. Sure, she started to move her arms in a gentle swaying motion, calming the child into a light slumber, but other than that she was not giving up her staring at the wall. Before her eyes it turned a vivid red, pulsing with life and warmth. Liz titled her head to the right, frowning slightly. It could have been blood, seeping through the ceiling and down the wall, but it felt just too familiar and warm. No, it wasn't blood, she decided. It was comforting and blood wouldn't be comforting to her, right?

She was startled out of her trance by even more menacing darkness entering the room.

"Hey, Liz. How are you two doing?" Tom's voice tickled her ears and stabbed into her brain. She didn't want to hear his voice. It was too high. She craved a comforting, graveling and deep tone that she was certain she would never hear again. She wasn't worth it anymore. She was free. And he was not.

"Good." She answered, turning her face slightly into Tom's direction. "She has eaten already and is ready to sleep now." Shifting the baby in her arms, she handed her to Tom, fighting the urge to hold on to her. "I will be lying down too." She informed him and stood up slowly, walking into their bedroom, closing the door without looking back at Tom.

AS if in a dream, she made her way to the bed and crawled under the crisp sheets, hoping to close her eyes and disappear into a different kind of blackness. A soothing one, where she didn't need to replay the moment she woke up a few weeks ago in a foreign country and strangers around her. Her wish wasn't granted though and before she slipped into sleep, the flashback drove hot tears into her eyes.

 _"Red?"_

 _Her voice was shaking and she wasn't sure if the words had actually left her mouth or fi she had just imagined it. The noises around her were unknown to her. No beeping, no breathing, no soft words of assurance. Had he left her? Was she alone in the hospital? Was she dead?_

 _As an afterthought, an image of a little baby wedged itself between her panicked thoughts. Her child. Her baby. The air, flowing into her lungs that just moments ago had woken her up, was now trying to suffocate her. Oh my god. My baby. Blind panic set in and her eyes sprang open only to be squeezed shut again a second later because the blinding light above her almost burned her eyes out. She was aware of herself making strange noises and when she felt hands on her shoulders, she started to scream. Only one word came out of her mouth, shattering through her brain like a bulldozer._

 _"Red!"_

"LIZ!"

Waking up with a start, Liz sat upright, almost colliding with Tom, who was sitting on the edge of the bed and holding on to her shoulders tightly.

"You had a nightmare." He stated, trying to look into her wild eyes. "What was it about?"

"Nothing." She stated hastily, taking a deep breath to calm down her breathing. Suddenly a shrill noise begged for her attention and she grew still.

"Agnes is crying." She stated, surprised.

"You were screaming, Liz. Of course she is crying."

"I'll go to her." She murmured and was thanking god for Tom not following or questioning her.

When she entered the nursery, Liz closed the door behind herself and for a moment leaned against it. When the cries of the baby grew even louder, she sighed and hurried over to the crib. Taking Agnes gently into her arms, she started to hum an old melody to her. A melody that not only held the memories of her father for her but also of a music box and the man building it for weeks. For her. Blinking tears from her eyes, Liz smiled softly at her baby, now a lot calmer than a few minutes ago.

"I think Red would like you, Agnes." She sniffed, tearlessly. "If you weren't mine."

tbc...

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Please let me know what ya think guys. I hope to update within this week:)


	2. Chapter 1

Hey there:)

Just stopping by to leave the new chapter.

Not too long but I really hope it is ok!

Let me know;)

 **Disclaimer:** See describtion and Prologue

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Chapter 1

"What do you mean she is with him?" Red, pale and terrified looking, spat at Kate. She shrugged her shoulders as if what she was enclosing to him was nothing more than a minor incident that he didn't need to be notified of.

"I helped her fake her death."

The silence following this sentence was as thick as a butter cake. Red's jaw had opened and was hanging uselessly down, waiting for the information to process in his brain and find words it could form. Instead, Red shook his head in disbelief, staring at the woman in front of him, which he had fancied to be his family. The betrayal was indescribable. It gripped his heart and squeezed until Red had the feeling of it bursting into pieces. When the boom of the explosion echoed in his mind, he finally got his mouth to work.

"Where are they, Kate."

Kaplan knew she could try to lie or deny him the truth as he had done for years with Elizabeth, but what good would it do? She wasn't afraid to die. She sometimes felt as if she already was a ghost, a phantom walking the earth in midst of clueless humans. So, what should she do? The men before her was heartbroken. A shadow of himself because of their plan. She hadn't known why Tom had approached her, he surely could have found someone else to go through with the plan. Seeing him cry and explain to her how much Liz was suffering, made the decision easier. Maybe she was too fond of the girl she had watched from afar with Raymond for years, but she couldn't say no.

"Cuba." She whispered, still staring back at Red.

He was about to turn around, when she suddenly called his name. When he finally turned to her, she looked at him questioningly.

"Don't you want to know why?"

He seemed to think for a moment, but then shook his head and stalked briskly out of the room, followed by a frowning Dembe.

Kate Kaplan sighed deeply, wrenching her hands and lowering her head. This was a true mess and she had no idea how they would get out of it.

Reaching the car, Red yanked the door open and slid in into the black car, leaning his head back until Dembe followed him inside.

"Did you know about this?" Red asked coolly.

"No." was the clear answer and Red believed it without questioning. Nodding to himself, he started to form a plan. Kirk was still after Lizzie and Agnes and no matter what, Red wouldn't let him win.

"Get Roger on the phone and tell him to have the jet ready in an hour."

Meanwhile in a house far away….

Liz was aware that she was dreaming, but she didn't know how to wake up from this nightmare. She could see Tom's face hovering in front of her and speaking softly but determined to her. His eyes didn't look honest at all, but it might be just a trick of her mind, right?

"I overheard a conversation between red and Dembe."

"Yeah? What were they talking about? Jelly donuts or Caviar?" Liz had laughed, stroking her swollen belly. "I bet it was something about either food or traveling."

"Actually, they were talking about you." Toms' voice had become huskier, as if he was telling her a secret. "I don't know how to say this honey, but it wasn't good."

"it usually isn't." Liz had snorted. "What did I do this time? Have I been too noisy? Did I get pregnant and overthrown their plans?"

A pause and then he had gripped her hand and rubbed his thumb over his skin.

"Red was explaining the problems he would face now that you will have a baby. Liz, he doesn't plan on telling you anything about your past. He said you were not ready and that he wished that…."

"That what?" Liz had demanded, but the last word echoed in her head like a mantra. The rest of the sentence lost in her mind when her body jerked and she woke up, holding Agnes lying next to her in bed. She must have fallen asleep after making sure that the baby was calm enough to sleep for more than only a few minutes.

With her point finger she caressed a path down Agnes' face, but although the little sigh she let out was sweeter than apple strudel, Liz didn't feel like smiling. She loved her child, of course she did, and she would do anything to keep her safe, but she couldn't help herself but feel as if this was a complication that had forced her to make this decision. Being separated from her baby right after the birth hadn't helped either, she mused. Feeling disgusted with herself, Liz carefully carried Agnes to the crib and covered her with the soft blanket. For a few seconds she observed the babies deep breathing, before she turned away and walked to the still closed door. She needed to talk to Tom.

Airspace over Cuba…

She was alive. It was impossible. He'd seen her die. He'd held her hand and mourned her. Stood at her grave and imagine his heart lying six feet under.

Red, ashen face and blood shot eyes, sat in his comfortable leather seat and looked at a picture that had been taken only a few weeks before Liz had found out about her pregnancy.

They still had been on the run and although under a lot of stress, these days had seemed a lot easier than what had developed after her exoneration. He had fought for her freedom and he found berating himself for being angry with her for finally finding a way to free herself. No matter how dangerous or dumb this move had been. He understood her longing for a normal life but it was becoming clearer and clearer to him that it wasn't meant to be for her. Her parents hadn't been normal. Their deaths hadn't been normal and Liz' life hasn't been normal. Ever. So why were they all, including Elizabeth, so stupid to believe that they actually could reach a point to give her that? Some people were cursed with a way their life's were supposed to go and fate wouldn't allow any meddling with that. She should have trusted him, Red thought bitterly, snorting only a second later. Whom was he kidding really? Trusting the Concierge of Crime was an impossible thing to do for someone as independent as Lizzie.

Red tapped his fingers against the edge of the photo. So why, for Pete's sake, was she trusting and depending on him.

tbc...

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There ya go. Please drop a quick comment if you like:)


	3. Chapter 2

Hey there!

Sorry for the wait but here comes the new chapter!

On we go:)

 **Disclaimer:** See prologue

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Chapter 2

The sun was starting to slowly sat, molding with the glittering sea when Liz entered the living room, finding Tom lounging on the white sofa. Why someone would chose a white sofa was a mystery to Liz. But maybe she was just thinking like a simple Nebraskan country girl, she scoffed at herself and her attention wavered back to Tom.

They looked at each other and nothing seemed to be right. Not the sofa, not the room and certainly not them alone in a foreign country.

"We should talk, Tom." She finally said, not moving an inch from her position. The man in question smiled at her and got to his feet.

"I know it is kind of strange to be here and you will need some time to get used to, but we will finally be a family." He paused, grinning sweetly at her. "Having a child. At last."

A chill went through Liz' body when she heard Tom say that, but she did her best to keep the tears from appearing in her eyes.

"You told me Red was trying to detach from me. I want to talk about that."

Tom's brows shot up and a look of surprise appeared on his face.

"Lizzie, this is your past now. You don't have to worry about him anymore."

Liz frowned, more at herself than Tom before she answered.

"But I do."

"What do you mean?"

The question irritated her. He should know what she meant. But suddenly she remembered that no, he couldn't know what she meant. She felt the blood drain out of her face and she inhaled deeply, holding her breath for a bit longer than was comfortable and then, slowly and calmly, let it out again. "You said he couldn't protect me anymore." She said quietly. "But he obviously got us out of the church. Unharmed. He did protect me."

"I didn't say he wasn't able to protect you at all." Tom argued. "I said he would face problems now that you weren't alone anymore." He paused and laughed sarcastically. "And I wouldn't say our escape was a walk in the park either, hon."

Liz hung her head for a second, contemplating her next question but finally decided to get it out into the open.

"You said he wished that problem would…disintegrate somehow." She wallowed hard. "The problem…"

Tom suddenly was at her side and cupping her cheek in his hand.

"You or Agnes." He finished her sentence. "Or maybe both."

Liz nodded slightly, looking through the window at the ocean, tears finally gathering in her eyes. She felt Tom's thumb come up and brush away the first tear rolling down her cheek and she shivered.

"I know you cared for him." Tom murmured softly. "And I am so sorry you had to find out that he…got tired of this game he was playing with you. But Lizzie, he is a criminal."

"So are you." Liz told him, not feeling bad about it although she saw the hurt in his eyes. Slowly he pulled away from her, mustering her with pity clearly written on his face.

"You need to get used to the idea that Red is a manipulator, Liz. He is good in what he does and is a notorious liar. I am sorry he got you believing he was someone else."

Liz felt anger growing in her. She tried to suppress it, understand it and finally she concluded that she was angry because her pride was hurt. She didn't let herself be played. Or did she?

One hour later….

 _"What do you mean?"_

 _"It's obvious what he meant, Liz. We need to get out of here. He will do anything to get rid of problems, you know that Liz! You've seen him murder people for the strangest reasons and for once he wasn't making a secret about it. He's dangerous. He wont hesitate getting rid of problems and now that you and our child have become one…."_

 _"He wouldn't…never…" Liz started but stopped, questioningly consulting her memories of Red being…Red. The Concierge of crime.  
"How sure can you be that he wont…hurt you, Liz?"_

 _She opened her mouth to answer him, sure of her answer, but suddenly…suddenly she felt her baby kick in her belly and she wasn't sure at all anymore._

The loud crash in the house made her jump out of bed and reach for her weapon, which wasn't under her pillow like it had been for the past two years. Cursing she tried to listen into the darkness and when she started hearing noises of struggle, she crapped to the door and opened it a few inches.

"Where is Masha?" a deep voice demanded and Liz' first thought was Red but then she heard the man yell at someone to search the house and she knew it wasn't Red. The instant the realization hit her that it wasn't him, she silently closed the door and swiftly moved into the room next to the bedroom. Closing and locking the door behind her, she spotted the cradle in the dark and moved to it to gently lift the baby out of it, praying to god Agnes wouldn't start crying. Pulling the soft blanket out of the crib, she wrapped the soft material around the baby and secured it around her waist.

Silently Liz opened the window and was grateful she had insisted on a ladder hidden beneath vines, invisible from the outside.

"Hold on baby." She muttered to Agnes and with one handholding on to her precious bundle, started to climb out of the window and down the ladder. Her muscles were cramping and burning when she reached the bottom. Her feet, bare because she didn't have time to search for her shoes, were scraped raw by the time she reached the dark park, only a few meter away from the house. When her legs started to wobble after a few more meters, Liz leaned against a tree to catch her breath and check on Agnes.

"You know what? In this kind of situation I have become used to Red riding in like a knight in shining armor." She whispered to her daughter, which had opened her eyes and was gazing at her mother. "Pathetic, really. " Liz snorted, straightening and starting to move again. "I should have learned to fend for myself by now."

Airport….

Red marched to the car waiting for him at the airport, not even sparing a glance back at Kaplan or Dembe. Knowing that the doors would be open and the key already in the ignition, Red opened the backdoor without hesitation, slipping inside and closing the door with a loud thud. Feeling betrayed hurt. It always did. But feeling betrayed by someone you trust unconditionally is devastating. He was aware of the fact that under normal circumstances, he would have gotten rid of an associate betraying him, but Kate was special. She was family.

Feeling the car dip slightly under the weight of Dembe and Kaplan and he couldn't do anything else than look out of the window and avoid eye contact of any kind. Closing his eyes, he envisioned Lizzie and Agnes, together and hopefully still safe in their new home.

tbc...

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Thank you so much for all your comments! They made my day:)


	4. Chapter 3

Sorry for the wait. As usual: Life happens;)

I dont really like this chapter and I consider it a filler, but I hope you will enjoy it anyway;) Next one will be the meeting we all wanna see but also fear:) You know what I am talking about, right?:)

 **isclaimer:** Blacklist is not minre (see Prologue)

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Chapter 3

When Red entered the dark house with his gun in front of him, he swallowed hard and felt beats of sweat travelling down his back. He would never get used to that, he thought. Killing dangerous people, sure. Not having a real home, no problem. Running from the law? Fun no end. But this. Entering a dark house, not knowing what to expect at the next corner was for some reason a thing he could get used to at all. It was a thrill, there was no question about that, but it costed him a few years of his life every time he needed to do something like this himself.

"Can you see anyone?" He asked his silent companion, who shook his head.

Reaching the pristine white living room, Red's breath hitched when he saw the chaos. Overturned chairs and the cracked glass table in the middle of the room. Dembe hit the light switch and both men squinted momentarily and then gasped when they saw the blood spattered all over the floor.

"Oh no…." Red breathed, his face paling even further.

"It doesn't have to be hers." Dembe whispered, walking past him and inspecting the rest of the rooms quickly. Red nodded, trying to believe Dembe's suggestion and holstered his gun, while starting his search for clues for what had happened.

 _Outside…_

When Liz saw from her crouched position, only a few meters away from the road that the light went on in the living room, she automatically shrank back into the shadows. They were still there, she cursed inwardly and held Agnes a little bit tighter to her chest.

"Shhhh…" She cooed softly, although the baby hadn't made any noise until now.

She could see shadows in the windows, two different shapes walking from room to room. So there were two of them, Liz thought and cursed silently once again. She was barefoot, in a nightgown and had a baby with her- where was she supposed to go? Liz felt hot tears welling up in her eyes but she swallowed them down, while she sniffed away the fear trying to pull her into a panic attack. Closing her eyes for a second, she saw herself and Tom sitting at a table and planning her fake death. It was supposed to be a quiet death, somewhere far away from everyone who knew her. No matter what Tom said, Liz didn't want Red to see her dead. She was sure he felt something more for her than just obligation and after losing so many people in his life he didn't need to see her corpse. Liz snorted. Feeling more than obligation. Obviously, Red didn't feel enough for her to except Agnes. Her eyes opened and wandered to the window again. The shadows were gone and Liz knew she needed to move.

In the house….

"She isn't here." Dembe told Red, who had moved into the nursery and leaned against the doorframe, staring at the open window.

"I can see that." He murmured, narrowing his eyes.

"Shall I search the rest of the house?"

A pause and then he could see Red shaking his head, not tearing his gaze from the window.

"What time is it, Dembe?

Slightly surprised, Dembe searched his jacket pockets for his phone and read the time on the display.

"Midnight."

Red's eye twitched and his head tilted to the left.

"We assume they were already sleeping, right?"

"Yes." Dembe answered haltingly, not sure what was going on in Red's head.

The man in question started to walk towards the window and pointed at it, looking back at his friend.

"Why would they leave the window open?" he asked calmly.

Dembe walked up to the other man, eyeing the window.

"Maybe it was warm in here."

"This is a new born child." Red explained. "And it is barely 15° outside. Who would leave the window open in a nursery? Especially at night. Liz is too paranoid for that. Hell, Tom is too paranoid for that."

Dembe frowned and leaned out of the window, looking down the wall. His eyes found the hidden ladder immediately and he snorted, showing Red what he had found.

"Clever girl." Dembe breathed, but Red scowled.

"If she is out there with Agnes…How far can she get, assuming she hasn't been prepared to run and hide with a baby?"

"We should search the woods." Dembe finally suggested, still looking out the window.

"We should."

Dembe pulled his head back into the room and watched his friend standing there and not moving.

"What are we waiting for?" he asked, surprised and weary to find out what his friend had to say.

Red's hands balled into fists and opened again, his jaw was clenching and his nostrils flaring as if he was preparing for a fight.

"I don't know if I can look her in the eye and live through it."

 _In the woods…_

Starting to breathe hard, Liz winced when she stepped onto a sharp stone. Agnes was still quiet but Liz could feel her moving around now. It wouldn't be long until the baby would get hungry and call for her milk.

It was so dark around them that Liz had trouble her own feet underneath her, but she tried to orientate herself on the moon, which was high up and thankfully on a cloudless sky. Where she was going? She didn't know. Just away from the house. Away from the fear and the panic. Just far, far away where there was stillness, peacefulness and warmth.

Sadly, she was fully aware that it was a nice but unreachable dream for her, but it did work as a motivation to keep moving as long as she didn't think about the reality that was awaiting her at the end of this dark forest. Because what was waiting there, would be much darker and much more dangerous.

tbc...

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I want to thank every single one of you who took the time to review! I swear you guys make me soooooo happy:) THANK YOU


	5. Chapter 4

Sorry for the delay guys and also the short following chapter, but you know how it is...summer...sun(or mostly rain) and a looooot to do.

I must admit that after seeing the finale (FINALLY) my muse kind of wandere off and hid under a rock...But I am doing my best to continue and keep it as Lizzington like as possible!

Hope you'll like it :)

 **Disclaimer:** See Prologue

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Chapter 4

Red held his flashlight up and squinted, trying to see through the dense forest. Dembe and he had been walking through it for over an hour and a few times they seemed to hear a silent wailing which could been Agnes' but every time they hurried into the direction, it actually stopped and appeared to have moved into a different one.

"If I didn't know better," Red scoffed. "I would believe those woods to be haunted."

Dembe stayed silent, making Red turn and smile at him.

"You don't really believe that, do you Dembe?"

His friend shook his head and Red was sure he was so close to roll his eyes at him.

"I do not believe those woods to be haunted." He finally answered, moving forward. "I do believe though that it is hard to pinpoint a source of a sound in here, since the sound is reflected…"

Red lifted his hand and stopped Dembe's rembling.

"I know that, Dembe. Thank you for the information."

Silent now, they kept on moving, when suddenly a dry branch snapped behind them. Both men turned around sharply, drawing their guns and pointing them at nothing but air. Standing still for a moment they listened to even the smallest sounds and both let out a sigh of relief when a rabbit came hopping out of a bush.

An almost embarrassed laugh escaped Red's lips and he shook his head.

"We should never mention this adventure to anyone, Dembe."

But before the other man could utter a word, they heard a loud crack only a few feet to their right and whirled around, once again holding their guns in front of them.

XXXX

The moon was bright and already high up, illuminating the trees and giving them a rather eerie glow. Every move their branches made with the wind, looked as if they were trying to reach for something; or rather someone. In midst of this unusual gathering, Liz was being careful not to step on any dry branches, although it proved to be quiet hard to do so while holding a baby in her arms and doing her best not to jostle it too much. She was pretty sure that she had heard footsteps not far away and knew that she wouldn't be able to outrun them. So she hid. Finding an adequate hiding place hadn't been too hard, since the forest was sprinkled with large stones and decent sized cave structures. Getting into them barefoot was another thing, that was not as easy as finding them. She could feel small pebbles and sticks poking into the soles of her feet and she was sure that after this stunt, her feet would be torn and bloody and not walkable for at least a few days. Wedging herself and Agnes between two rock boulders, Liz tried to hold back a loud groan when another stone pierced through the skin on her foot.

Avoiding any sudden moves and loud noises, she crouched down and cooed to the baby. It was only a breathing really, but it seemed to calm Agnes down slightly.

A few torturing minutes passed and Liz could feel her eyes getting heavy. She knew she shouldn't sleep, but the stress and exhaustion of the last few months were taking a toll on her system. She flinched violently, making Agnes squirm in her arms when she heard a twig snap right outside the entrance of the cave. Shrinking back, Liz willed herself not to hold her breath, but keep on breathing calmly and silently. There it was. Footsteps. Coming closer. Squinting in the dark, Liz cursed inwardly when she couldn't make out anything in the pitch black.

Although cold a few minutes before, now Liz felt sweat forming on her back and heat starting to coil in her stomach. It had always been a thing of hers. Getting sick when too nervous. It had gotten better when she spent enough time in Quantico, but the sick heat in her stomach never had left her. A sure sign she was getting to a point where she would have to make a decision. Go forward or flee. Before she could decide though, a bright light blinded her and she flinched back, finally making Agnes cry.

In-between the piercing cries of her daughter and her own labored breathing she was sure she had mistaken the voice she had heard but then it came again.

"Lizzie?"

And there it was.

Red bliss. And finally silence.

tbc...

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Leet me know what ya think if you got a second to spare:) Have a beautiful summer!:)


	6. Epilogue

So sorry for the delay, but here comes the last chapter to this little story (never wrote something so short, I think:))

 **Disclaimer:** Not mine (for details, see Prologue)

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Epilogue

When Liz started to come around, the first thing she was aware off were the sounds around her. There was water running somewhere and something was sizzling as if someone was cooking something in a frying pan. Even stranger was the sound of someone giggling. Waking frfom an unconsciousness which was as deep and dark as hers had been, you wouldn't expect someone to giggle. Next thing she became aware off was the cozy warmth and the heavy material laying upon her, obviously providing her with the warm temperature she had been craving for sometime now. If she was honest to herself, since she had left her old life behind and got stuck in Cuba.

Footsteps yanked her out of her thoughts and she tried to open her eyes but failed twice before finally managing to crank them open into small slids and closed them again when light burned into her retinas. When the footfalls stopped and she felt a presence standing next to her prone form, she tried to open them again carefully, smiling when she saw Dembe's familiar face looking down at her expectantly and with a grin on his face.

"Good evening, Elizabeth." He murmured. "It is a pleasure to see you alive and well."

Liz felt tears shooting into her eyes immediately. A watery smile appeared on her lips.

"It's good to see you too." Liz whispered and tried to hold on to the tears, threatening to fall down her cheeks.

"Where's…?" Liz stopped herself, turning her head to look around the room, but finding no one else in it.

"Agnes is in good company." Dembe answered, reading her mind. "She seems to be quiet taken with Raymond."

The weak smile on Liz' face vanished and concern was evident in her features, but before Dembe could question her. Liz started to speak again.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" her voice was quiet, almost only a breath, forcing Dembe to lower his head slightly in order to hear her.

"Hate?" he asked surprised. "He was still mourning, you know?"

"Still?"

This one word made Dembe flinch and the surprise grew into something more. Did she really expect Raymond not to mourn? Had she hit her head somewhere along the way?

"He was devastated." Dembe finally clarified, feeling bad about the satisfaction he felt when he saw the tears appear in her still heavy lidded eyes.

When she didn't say anything else, Dembe patted her arm and smiled halfheartedly.

"I will get him now."

Liz looked after his retreating back and felt panic rising in her chest. How could she meet him? How could she look into his eyes and bare the disappointment, which for sure would be present in them?

No matter why it would be there. If because she had let him think that she was that or because she actually wasn't and he had her back as his biggest burden. She started to feel sweat gather on her palms and forehead and the crazy idea of running flew through her brain, only to be dismissed when she heard footsteps growing louder. She couldn't move. She felt paralyzed and her throat was starting to dry out and constrict painfully. Before she could gather her newly found strength and leap up from the sofa to hide somewhere, the footsteps stops and Liz felt his eyes on her like laser pointers.

Turning her head slowly in his direction, she felt like fainting when her eyes finally found his. She had missed him. She didn't want to admit that to herself before because she knew that if she did, she wouldn't be able to stay away from him too long. She could see his eagerness to come closer but she couldn't explain why he didn't. Rooted to the spot, Red just watched her until she started to wring her hand together. Abruptly he started to move towards her, albeit slowly, and when he reached the sofa, he calmly took place opposite her in a comfortable looking armchair. Liz watched him lean back and look at her, obviously waiting for her to say something. But what could she say? After a moment, she chose the easiest thing to say.

"I am sorry."

She didn't dare to look at him and opted to stare down at her hands. She knew he knew her well enough to hear the sincerity in her voice, but she also knew that he had done horrible things to people for less than what she had done and although she usually wasn't scared of him, now she wasn't sure what to think or feel, except sadness and embarrassment.

"What are you sorry for, Lizzie?"

Red's voice was impossibly deep and Liz could almost feel the gravel in it. He was hurt and disappointed. Of course he was, Liz scoffed at herself.

A few minutes went by without any word making its way over her lips but then she decided it was time to bite the bullet.

"For not being really dead."

Those words made her eyes water and she simply closed them, titling her head even further away from him. The gasp she heard coming from beside her, she wasn't able to decipher. In her mind all their moments together were flashing chronologically and she filed her actions into neat piles of "burden", "failure" and "relationship-building".

"What?" if possible, Red's voice sounded even lower and somehow closer to her, but Liz didn't turn around. But she did owe him an explanation and frankly she felt to weak to keep on playing games.

"Tom told me." She started, feeling the first tears falling. "He told me what a burden I was becoming to you and with Agnes' birth…" for a second the air in her lungs was gone and she had trouble sucking new one in. "I…I…I knew…that by keeping me alive you have risked…so much. And I knew that someday your patience would be…at the end…"

Before she could utter another word, she felt hand on her cheeks and strong arms pulling her face towards Red's face, which to her surprise was only inches from her own.

"I have no earthly idea, what you are talking about, Elizabeth." He breathed against her skin, looking into her eyes. "Tell me what he said." He demanded, not letting go of her.

Liz shivered and violent sobs started to rise in her chest until it was too painful to hold them in anymore.

"He told me you wanted to get rid of me or Agnes. Because it was getting to hard to keep us all safe. We…I was becoming a burden to you and…"

"And what?" he asked quietly, trying to suppress his anger. "You believed him?"

"It seemed…possible." She told him defensively. "You risked your life for me for months…and then Agnes…" she shook her head in defeat.

"Did you really believe that I could hurt you or your daughter?" red asked calmly, his face a stone mask, illuminated by the soft light of the fire burning only a few feet away from them.

When she failed to answer, Red leaned away from her, never letting go though.

"Do you have any idea, what I have gone through? What I am still going through after your death?"

The silence dragged on and Red continued.

"I saw you die, Elizabeth. I held your limp hand in mine, kissed your forehead believing it was the last time I would be able to see you…touch you." He breathed in deeply, not embarrassed by his tears that were pooling in his eyes. "My life, as unworthy as it was anyway, have become empty and my soul, which had been hanging on to my body by one thing thread…has floated away together with your life, Lizzie. Can you imagine that?"

Her sobs gout louder and for a second she was afraid to hyperventilate, but then she simply catapulted her body forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, feeling his body heat warming her insides, making her feel alive again.

"Oh my god, Red, I am so sorry."

Although Red accepted her desperate hug, he still shook his head in disbelieve.

"How could you believe a pathological liar, Lizzie?" he whispered into her ear, breathing in her unique smell, which he had missed so much.

"I felt…guilty."

Tears in her voice, Liz felt suddenly as if a big stone had been lifted from her shoulders. Yes, she felt guilty. For everything. For being a burden to almost everyone in her life. For endangering her daughter and for not being there for her father enough just because of her carrier. She felt guilty for killing her biological father through that obviously destroying Red's life.

"You need to stop this, Lizzie." Red whispered. "I know you feel guilty but taking steps like this? That is just wrong."

"Will you…will you forgive me?" Liz stuttered, knowing it couldn't be that easy and it would require a lot of patience and understanding on both sides to regain the trust in one another.

"As long as you are with me I can try."

And although this answer wasn't as ideal and romantic as Red would have loved it to be, he knew that he simply wouldn't have any other choice than to forgive and love her. She was his soul and he would never part with her, even if he was a monster.

The End

* * *

Although I know that this ending is not as "happy" as usually in my stories, I hope you could enjoy it at least a little bit. I want to thank every single one of you who took the time to write a comment and make my day feel a lot better every time:)

I am planing to write a longer story next, butthe wind has been slightl taken out from uner my wings after the season finale...but I'll come up with something! Promise!


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